Bananas are too precious to waste

A bowl of brown mottled skin and heavily fragrant bananas sat next to the digital radio all last week. It's quite strange to have spent bananas in this house. We eat a bunch every two days. My top-up shopping list is always: milk, bananas, biscuits. But here they were: four bananas getting funky and I couldn't bring myself to throw them away, especially after Australia. Our last visit home came at the tail end of a series of natural disasters: flooding, cyclones, fires, and that, paired with an obnoxious economy sticking its finger up at the rest of the world, made the price of bananas comparable to caviar. ONE kilo of bananas was $13 - which would equate to about $39 per week just for bananas in our house. I might spend that on wine, but bananas?

It's a strange paradox, this life I now live. One the one hand, I come from a country of great wealth and beauty. A life of privilege; a childhood pottering in rockpools, teenage years diving into waterholes, early twenties sunbaking on Bondi Beach, zooming on the back of a motorbike past endless fields of sugarcane, not even knowing that the great high I was riding was that of freedom, innocence and trust. I remember a wet season in Cairns, tadpoles turning into frogs and jumping across my barefeet. I lived simply and with no concern for money. I experienced the events in my life mythically, attuned to synchronicity, without compromise. It doesn't mean I was always happy.

And here I am, in England, in post-industrial Manchester. My children potter in rain puddles, not rockpools, and yet I have never felt so abundant. Things are coming together. I live with many compromises, many demands and few excursions into freedom. But there is something to be gained from restrictions. Like I am learning the craft of living by necessary restraints - a kind of Haiku for the life. Yes, I mourn for my country, for my children's lost childhood of river banks crowned by gum trees and holidays in caravan parks near coastal towns where every day is meandered between the beach and milkshop for golden gaytime icecreams. The flip flop of thongs soundtracking their steps, squirming beneath my zinc covered fingers as I protect their freckling skin. Oh god, don't get me started. I mourn for my country.

But their is an acute heightening of the senses that occurs when you are exiled. And exiled I am - there is no job for my husband in Australia and as things are at the moment, we couldn't afford to buy a house there. I have surrendered: I have to find beauty here or go mad.

Right now, listening to Radio 6, Inner City Life by Goldie plays and the haunting, urban drum and bass and harrowed gospel of the vocals is tearing at my soul - it works because I am in a city, an old and dirty city; a city that has it's triumphs and losses, it's loves and tragic stories. I have the lights on because it's so dark during the day now, the sky outside is bleached grey. I hear sirens and aeroplanes overhead. Winter is coming. Beneath my feet in parks is the vast tapestry of autumn leaves, looking up, the branches they have left behind form a filigree of black lace in the sky. I bought foot warmers for my shoes for £1.99 and today, on the school run, I trialed them out. It was like walking around with a mini heater in my shoe. I think I will make it through this winter. I really do.

This cake tastes great with a coffee and a good tune to listen to.

Banana loaf cake with brown sugar and walnut topping

(adapted from Stephanie Alexander's the cook's companion)

125g softened unsalted butter
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 cup mashed (very) ripe banana
few drops pure vanilla
250g self-raising flour
1/2 cup buttermilk or 1/2 cup milk with a few drops of lemon juice added

For the topping combine:

3 tablespoons self-raising flour
3 tablespoons coarsely chopped walnuts
100g softened unsalted butter
3 tablespoons brown sugar

Method:

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius.
Butter and flour your cake tin (I used a long skinny loaf tin but a 20cm square cake tin is recommended in the original recipe) and line the base with baking paper.
Cream the butter and sugar until pale and fluffy (it takes a while, be patient).
Beat in the eggs, banana and vanilla.
Sift the flour and add to mixture, alternating with buttermilk.
Spoon into cake tin and top with walnut mix.
Bake for about 45 mins - check to ensure the walnutty top is not burning about half-way through cooking and cover with foil if it's getting too brown - burnt walnuts taste foul.
Cool the cake for a few minutes before turning out.